Okay... no, it's fine, Mark– you don't have to. Especially not with me.
[He sighs softly.] I'm not nearly religious enough for all that, man... I don't... that's not what this is. It's- I'm...
[The sound that escapes him just then is half a breath, half a nervous chuckle. Mmm. Nope. No. He is not saying that. It wouldn't help, and it wouldn't solve anything, and Mark wouldn't believe it anyway.]
It's... I-I don't know how to explain it.
[Not... without laying something at his feet that Mark doesn't need. Now. Maybe ever.]
You...don't have to do anything. It's- it's nothing you can fix. It's not on you to fix it, even if you could, Mark, I get that now... [He huffs softly.]
Too little, too late... story of my fuckin' life. [He mutters and sniffs and his voice is tighter, a little shaky, with his next words.]
I uhm... Fuck, I feel like I'm drowning. [He clears his throat, but it does nothing for the emotion still sitting thick on his tongue.] God- you don't need this, I-I should go before I say something really fucking stupid...
You know, that offer of yours about the sober buddy thing? Two-way street, man. I'll talk your ear off about whatever you want if you need a distraction or something sometime.
I don't know what I want to talk about, Damien. But everything's been bad since I came back to Boston and Agent Green died and Joan took over at the AM, and Sam's dating another AM employee and Joan's maybe dating another AM employee and what the fuck am I supposed to do with all of this?
I mean, not officially. The whole grieving over Owen dying trying to save her life has slowed things down. But yeah. With an atypical with super speed. He helped save all of our lives then.
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on 2022-06-07 06:18 pm (UTC)[He sighs softly.] I'm not nearly religious enough for all that, man... I don't... that's not what this is. It's- I'm...
[The sound that escapes him just then is half a breath, half a nervous chuckle. Mmm. Nope. No. He is not saying that. It wouldn't help, and it wouldn't solve anything, and Mark wouldn't believe it anyway.]
It's... I-I don't know how to explain it.
[Not... without laying something at his feet that Mark doesn't need. Now. Maybe ever.]
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on 2022-06-07 06:23 pm (UTC)[And hte answer, he knows, is that he can't.]
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on 2022-06-07 06:37 pm (UTC)Too little, too late... story of my fuckin' life. [He mutters and sniffs and his voice is tighter, a little shaky, with his next words.]
I uhm... Fuck, I feel like I'm drowning. [He clears his throat, but it does nothing for the emotion still sitting thick on his tongue.] God- you don't need this, I-I should go before I say something really fucking stupid...
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on 2022-06-07 06:46 pm (UTC)[Damn but this has been a lot to deal with, for them both. And yet... This voice. He... cares about it.]
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on 2022-06-07 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 07:38 pm (UTC)[He hates how soft his voice is with that question, but it fucking hurts. Everything fucking hurts.]
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on 2022-06-07 07:43 pm (UTC)Coffee's a vice too.
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on 2022-06-07 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 10:25 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 10:29 pm (UTC)Fine, see yourself as alcoholism. Guess I'm double down for that.
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on 2022-06-07 10:43 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 10:49 pm (UTC)[Clearly if he had a sober buddy and got on Damien about drinking.]
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on 2022-06-07 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 11:05 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 11:13 pm (UTC)I don't know what I want to talk about, Damien. But everything's been bad since I came back to Boston and Agent Green died and Joan took over at the AM, and Sam's dating another AM employee and Joan's maybe dating another AM employee and what the fuck am I supposed to do with all of this?
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on 2022-06-07 11:32 pm (UTC)[Record. Scratch. Halt. W H A T?]
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on 2022-06-07 11:33 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 11:40 pm (UTC)[He pauses and sighs a little– ]
I didn't mean– that's not...an invitation or anything...
[Unless...?]
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on 2022-06-07 11:41 pm (UTC)Where would I even go? I fucking blew my job. I can't go see my parents. I can't...
Fuck, I just don't know what to do anymore.
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on 2022-06-07 11:46 pm (UTC)New York. Virginia. Wherever you want.
[Here.
He won't say it, but his entire body screams at him to.]
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on 2022-06-07 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-06-07 11:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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